


Wrong

by Lanii



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, M/M, alludes to non consensual sex but it does NOT go into the act, kinkmeme fill, there is a happy ending do not worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-21
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2018-02-18 07:30:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2340152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanii/pseuds/Lanii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: When Levi joins the Survey Corps Erwin kind of falls for him. But when propositioned, Levi doesn't realize he's allowed to refuse Erwin because everybody he's worked for ever always sexually abused him. So they start a relationship that Erwin truly thinks is consensual but is way not.</p><p>basically I want it horrible and fucked up</p><p>+ Erwin finds out and is horrified<br/>++ Levi thinks that because he comes it means he wants and deserves it even though he feels gross later<br/>+++ Levi is straight (doesn't have to be if you don't connect, but I would like it eheh >_>)</p><p>how you end it is up to writeranon! happy-ish ending is ok, hurty ending is ok. it would be nice to salvage their emotional relationship and for Levi to appreciate that Erwin cares for him in the end even if they don't end up together. idk you can play with it ^^U<br/>canonverse pls!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> something i wrote on my lunch break and slightly edited when i got home before throwing onto the kinkmeme. Edited again slightly before posting it here.

He doesn’t notice at first, too caught up in the exhilaration and thrill of having this incredible man as a lover. A head of raven hair tossed back onto a snow-white pillowcase, the gasps and whimpers of “Commander” (but not his name, never his name) and the way Levi’s skin feels under his fingers, hands, lips, tongue. Everything. Erwin is a man overcome by desire, but soon the lust clouding his vision fades, he begins to feel differently towards Levi, emotions that are dangerous in this line of work. And then he looks closely at Levi. Observes him.

He does not kiss Erwin. Not voluntarily anyway. It’s always the Commander who kisses him in the heat of the moment, but only when Erwin specifically asks him to does Levi kiss him.

He keeps his eyes shut tight whenever they’re intimate, again only opening them when Erwin asks him to, only _looking_ at him when Erwin asks him to.

He sees bitter resignation in Levi’s eyes then.

Levi doesn’t flinch when Erwin touches him outside their trysts, but he also does nothing to encourage it either. He closes his eyes for a moment, then continues on whatever he was doing, but he’s detached, not really there, jaw clenching and breathing measured, like he’s restraining himself from retaliating in a fight.

He goes through the motions of being Erwin’s lover, but he never does more than what’s expected, never does more than what he is told to do. It has the feel of one of his cleaning routines, he’s done it so many times the movements are natural and his thoughts float elsewhere to a place Erwin cannot follow them to.

It’s different with her though. Hanji Zoe has been part of the squad since she graduated and her easygoing, enthusiastic demeanor makes her a pleasant person to talk to. Which Erwin catches Levi doing. They talk about fighting techniques, compare the instinctive, animalistic style of the Underground to the structured, disciplined methods of the military. They spar. Levi will clean while Hanji talks about anything and everything that crosses her mind. She has a nice voice, and the way Levi looks at her when he thinks no one is watching is like the flowers that track the sun’s movements across the sky. And in a rare moment, he’ll say her name in a way that reminds Erwin of a fairytale maiden who dropped precious gems from her lips with every word she spoke.

There’s also the way her gear is repaired, her uniform always clean and ready before the others, the cup of tea set beside her and the blanket over her shoulders when she falls asleep in the mess hall after hours of studying her notes. All of this is done by someone unknown.

To everyone else anyway.

Erwin tells Mike his concerns and he knows his friend so well that they don’t need words to communicate. Mike isn’t one for talking anyway, and all it takes is a raised eyebrow with a pointed stare for Erwin to sigh deeply.

“You’re right. I’ve been selfish enough by dragging him into the military. I shouldn’t keep him from any happiness he finds, should I?”

Mike lowers his eyebrow and smiles. Inclines his head towards the liquor cabinet. Even if Mike was a talkative person, the gestures requires no words.

\----

Erwin summons Levi to his office the next day. Levi comes in and closes the door. He goes to lock it (because he thinks this is going to be something else entirely) but Erwin stops him and beckons him to his desk. Levi stands before him, gaze cool, hands clasped tightly behind his back and his voice monotonous as he asks, “You wanted to see me sir?”

“Yes I did. It’s about your relationship with Zoe.”

Levi was tense enough as it was but with the mention of Hanji he’s still like the air before a storm and Erwin sees a hint of fear in Levi’s eyes.

“You seem to have a...fondness for her, if my observations are correct. Are they?”

“They are.” Levi admits, addressing the air above Erwin’s head. He’s not meeting Erwin’s eyes anymore. He knows he’s been caught.

“But I will stop pursuing a relationship with her on your orders sir.” It’s the strangest thing Erwin has ever heard, certainly the strangest thing to say in a conversation like this and Erwin tells him that.

“How is it strange? Sir.” Levi asks, hastily tacking on the title at the end. He’s looking at Erwin again now, perplexed.

“Levi, you’re free to leave me to begin a new relationship anytime you wish. You didn’t need to stay with me for whatever reason you had. The door was open for you the entire time."

“Really?”

“Yes.” Erwin frowns, mind twisting and turning the pieces over, trying to fit them together to make a coherent picture. “If you didn’t want to be with me, why didn’t you say so at the beginning?”

“I didn’t know I had the choice.” Levi says it calmly, but the statement and all it’s implications makes Erwin’s blood turn to ice water in his veins.  He digs his nails into his skin in an effort to ground himself in reality.

“You...did not know you had a choice?” Erwin repeats lowly.

“No sir. No one else gave me the option of walking away.”

Erwin feels as if he’s back in training and the instructor had just cut his wires to see his solution but Erwin is plummeting headfirst towards the rocky cliff bottom without a clue of what to do.

“Tell me.” He orders. Levi obeys.

It’s customary for the parents of a particularly pretty child will intentional mutilate their face to spare them the fate of the beautiful in the Underground. It usually doesn’t work when dark urges are in full control and don’t see past what satisfies them, but the hope persists. Beautiful things don’t last long in the Underground anyway. Levi didn’t have parents who cared about his fate. He doesn’t even know how he survived infancy. While being murky on a few of the details, like how he grew to be so skilled, he told Erwin how he offered his talent as a bodyguard for anyone willing to pay. And some of the higher paying ones believed they had certain “rights” while he was with them.

“I worked for countless people. But I only worked under seven or eight.” Levi’s lips curl into a small smile at the wordplay. “They all recommended me to each other. At least I think they did. A lot of them had the same methods of keeping me from killing them in the middle of the night.”

The scars on Levi’s body that Erwin had silently wondered about had been his training until sexual submission was his second nature, hidden under a thin veneer of numbness. If he fought, there would be consequences, because he would not win. These people had vast connections and he’d be dead within an hour of fleeing the cooling corpse, to say nothing of what they would do to his two friends. The Underground was a wolf pack, with the lowest submitting to the strongest by laying on their back and showing the vunerable flesh of the stomach. Levi’s way of yielding just included the extra step of spreading his legs.

All throughout relating the details of each task he performed during a job, it was as if Levi was reading aloud the list of supplies delivered, bored and uncaring. Erwin on the other hand, was wracked with emotions he didn’t know how to categorize, thrashing under his layer of perfect self-control. He felt strongly for Levi, might have even called it love, but that feeling withers when Erwin realizes Levi sees him as just another employer with a power fantasy and the means to ruin his life beyond repair. He thought Levi knew what was being asked of him.

He thought every touch, every kiss, every secret encounter in the dead of the night had been completely consensual when in fact it had not. Erwin had the purest of intentions though, and honestly believed Levi wanted him just as badly, with no clue how every brush of skin reviled the other man. What did that make him then? Was he better than those from the Underground, or just as bad? The sex had been unwanted on Levi’s part, therefore it had been rape. There was no blurring of that line. So did that make Erwin a rapist? He didn’t get off on the control, on the humiliation, he cared for Levi so much, he had been so gentle the first time, worrying over how the wetness of Levi’s eyes gleamed in the candlelight.

But Levi had just been waiting for the illusion of a compassionate lover to end and the animalistic urges to push forth. He had wanted to scream at Erwin to just fuck him and go away until he needed Levi again. It was torture, carrying on what he believed to be Erwin’s fetish of being in love.

People like him didn’t deserve love. People like him who came every time, who sometimes wanted to climax, didn’t deserve it. Others who couldn’t handle it succumbed to despair and took their lives. He felt like he was making a mockery of their pain with his unvoiced thoughts of “just a little bit more, god, yes, please, please”. The reason he cleaned so much was that he liked seeing the progress as he worked, he knew the dirt the filth and the stains were slowly eroding if he just scrubbed hard enough. If he couldn’t do that for himself he could at least do it for his surroundings. Because you could only handle scrubbing your skin raw so many times.

The sun is going down when Levi stops, the silence falling thick and oppressive.

“I’ve made you the victim of a grave misunderstanding Levi.” Erwin says. “I owe you an apology. If there’s anything I could do for you to make it up to you, please. Tell me. It may not have seemed it while we were together, but I genuinely care for your well-being. Physical, mental and emotional. Even spiritual, if you were so inclined. I want to help you Levi. If you’ll allow me to. I’m not the monster you thought I was.”

“No, I should be sorry. I shouldn’t have led you on like that.” Levi replies. “I should’ve said something...Shit, I don’t know. I didn’t mean to–For any of this to happen.” Erwin doesn’t even pretend to ignore the tears welling up in Levi’s eyes. He’s not completely emotionless, but after revealing his deepest secrets, his barriers are down and he has nothing to hide any more.

“Oh Levi.” Levi’s shoulders have drooped and he looks absolutely exhausted as he dabs at his eyes with a pocket handkerchief. He wants to run away so badly, no one can see him so open, so weak, but he can’t bring himself to care anymore. He’s tired. He doesn’t want to believe any of this is true. But Erwin’s expression tells him otherwise.

“You want to help me? Gimme a drink.”

Erwin pours from his most expensive bottle. As he watches Levi drink, he knows the only question left to ask is “Where do we go from here?”

Where indeed.  

\----

Five years have passed since that evening. Five years worth of war and death. Erwin has his answer. Levi has become the perfect soldier, Humanity’s Strongest and the most loyal subordinate Erwin has. The exact nature of their relationship is undefinable. They are more than superior and subordinate, but not quite the best of friends. It’s alright though. They’ll work it out with each second they continue to live and fight.

Along with Levi’s allegiance to him is one Hanji Zoe. She’s written off by many as crazy, but those are ones who do not know the sheer strength hiding behind that cheerful smile. She is not one to have as an enemy, that is for certain.

She’ll talk to him about Levi on occasion. She tells him how they are working together to overcome what was done to him in the past, and the problems resulting from it. Hanji approaches it with her usual enthusiam, tempered with respect for the boundaries of the man she loves.

To the same people who dismiss Hanji’s intelligence, Levi appears to be annoyed by her. But if they looked a bit closer, they’d notice the small details that prove otherwise. How Levi always seems to have an extra hair-tie when the one she’s wearing snaps, but he withholds giving it to her for a few seconds to stare at her red-brown hair tumbling down her shoulders, framing her face. How he’s always there during her titan experiments, telling her she’ll get eaten if she’s not careful but has a faster reaction time than even Moblit when something goes wrong. Not to mention the thin golden chain disappearing into his cravat, a coincidental match to the one she wears. Hidden under the fabrics of cravat and shirt respectively are simple, small wooden pendants, polished and varnished, engraved with their initials.

One night, the four of them go out for drinks; Mike, Erwin, Levi and Hanji. Hanji is a lightweight and she gets very talkative after a few. Mostly about titans. But tonight she lets it slip that a wedding is in the process of being planned. Levi claims it was more of an elopement. No one was supposed to know.

There’s still a twinge of pain and guilt in his heart that will probably remain there forever, but Levi has moved on and so must Erwin. He doesn’t possess even a quarter of the hurt Levi’s carried for so long.

So he wishes them luck with all of his heart. It’s a worthier cause to give it to than the military anyway.

Behind the rim of his glass, Mike smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> wedding dresses are pretty and everything but i propose this: LeviHan getting married in matching suits
> 
> if there is already art of this please link me
> 
> please for the love of god
> 
> think of the children


End file.
